10 Tips to Emerge from the Wedding a Hero
Wedding planning is very stressful for the bride and she is going to be extremely emotional during this time. She is definitely going to need a hero and who better to assume this role than the groom. Here are a few tips to help you emerge from your wedding process a hero and provide a constant reminder to your bride why she is going through all of this...because she is the luckiest woman in the world!
1. Offer your opinion
She's bouncing ideas off of you and wants to have a little input...after all, it is your day to. She may not use your opinion but make sure you have one. Asking you a question and hearing "I don't know" or "I don't care" one more time may send her over the edge. Listen and tell her what you really think. She'll love it.
2. Be supportive
Aside from the million little details she's trying to work out your bride is also going to be fighting off millions of opinions. Her friends, family and co-workers will constantly offer up what she should do and why what she wants to do won't work. Without a doubt she's going to be frustrated at some point with family and friends. Listen to her frustrations and acknowledge her opinion. Whatever you do, don't jump on the family/friend bashing session. She'll get over her frustrations with her family and friends but any insensitive comments you may make at this time will definitely stick in her mind. So, be supportive but do not use this as your opportunity to point out the flaws with her family and friends.
3. Give her a day off
You know your bride better than anyone around her. When you see it in her face that she can't take one more opinion or make one more decision, plan a day off for her. Make an appointment at the spa, ask her to make a list of all of the things she has to tackle that day and take care of them for her. Or grab lunch and tell her you are both taking the day off planning and going on a picnic in the park. Take care of all of the details for the day and don't make her have to make one decision... You think of everything.
4. Just do it!
If she gives you an assignment...Just do it. You don't have near as many responsibilities in this process as your bride. When she asks you to take care of a responsibility make sure it's done and done on time. She'll realize she can rely on you to take care of what you say you will. If she doesn't already know you are her rock to depend on, she will now.
5. Rescue her
When you see that your bride-to-be has hit her breaking point and has gone to the bad place, suggest she get some help. Look in the budget and see if there is room to get a wedding coordinator. Even if she just uses a planner for the day of the wedding. She'll begin her initial meetings early on. Having the coordinator show how on task the planning is and taking care of some of her questions will boost her level of security and take some stress of the details off of her plate.
6. Register with her
This is one of the wedding planning experiences your bride is most looking forward to. Throwing a fit on the day of registering will ruin this experience for her. Offer to go with her. You'll be selecting items to go in your new home and sharing this experience should be fun. If you have fun with her on this day, it will not only take some stress off of her but she will remember this day as one of her favorite wedding planning experiences. She'll have you to thank for it.
7. Take ownership
Weddings come with a lot of to do's for the bride. Taking ownership of something you're good at during the process will take a huge scoop of obligation off her plate. Some suggestions, if you are a financial whiz you could offer to manage the budget and make the payments to all of the wedding vendors. If you are extremely well organized, you could offer to manage the registries. Keep an inventory of the gifts received and update the store registries to match. Managing the guest list is also a good task for the organized groom. Keep a spreadsheet with all of the guest's names and track RSVPs, gifts received and whether or not the two of you have sent a thank-you note for each gift received. Whatever you choose to take ownership of make sure she can rely on you to do it well. Discovering that it is not being managed well may have the exact opposite effect.
8. Keep your men on track
Your groomsmen, your problem. Make sure your groomsmen know what the expectation is. Tell them what you need from them. When they need to send measurements for tuxedos/suits, where you need them to be and when and make sure they are on time. All of the communication to your groomsmen should come from you. You can definitely ask your bride for some guidance to determine what these dates/times are but tracking them down and making sure they have done their duties is your role. She will be doing the same for her bridesmaids.
Also, you know your friends. If you have friends who tend to act out in public or tend to have a few too many cocktails, make a more responsible groomsmen in charge of reining them in or removing the unruly if necessary. You may also want to cover some guidelines for giving toasts. Referring in detail to your past wild behaviors, totally inappropriate for wedding events. After all, your entire families are there and you are still making and impression. Besides it is disrespectful to your bride.
9. Be the middle man
Ah the bride-to-be and mother-of-the groom relationship is a delicate one. Based on the personalities of the two it can range from could have been sisters in a past life to complete rivals. It is up to you to manage this partnership. It may seem foreign to you as a man but the way this relationship is managed today will affect the way they interact for the rest of their lives and yours.
Be a buffer. If you can sense there may be tension between the two, it will be in your best interest to have them communicate through you. If your mother is overly opinionated, and you know if she is, you may have to have a delicate conversation with her. Express that you appreciate her position and ideas but this is your day (both of yours). Whatever you do, do not throw your mother or your bride under the bus when you have these discussions. It will add fuel to the fire and create a negativity you will be forced to live with.
In defense of your mother, by her role (mother of the Groom) she may be feeling a little left out. Make sure you are feeding her the details of the wedding. Colors, flowers, dresses etc. Anything that helps her become a part of the process will go a long way. Ask your bride to send her an email update every now and then with some of the details or invite her to go along on some of the meetings with vendors.
10. Get emotional
If there is ever a time to dig deep and really express your feelings and emotions to your bride...It's now! Any time you can spend reminding her what all the hard work is for will revive her energy and give her a renewed outlook on the event. Walks in the park, reflecting on past times, letters and notes expressing your feelings will go a long way. If you are a romantic this will not be difficult. If not, focus on extracting your romantic side. It will mean the world to her and to you as make it through the next few months.